Facebook’s Suggested Group


No, Facebook. Just…. No.

Look, I have nothing against Vegans. They’re definitely more strong willed and moral than I am, but believe me when I say that I am not the hedonistic . But meat is damn delicious and I have it in almost every meal. I cook with it all the time. I only really eat vegetables with a mouthful of meat to hide the taste.

Oh my god. Cheese. Maybe someday I could give vegetarianism a go, just for a bit. But bloody cheese. I think I’ll die with a cracked pepper water cracker with a slice of brie on it in my cold, dead hand.

How the hell are you supposed to have cereal without milk? Don’t tell me soy milk, I have briefly dappled in its off white watery cardboard taste.

I am actually supposed to cut down on the dairy in my diet to help with my sinuses/hayfever. Hence why I now take antihistamines every day instead.

Maybe I’ve mis-interpreted the title of this suggested group. Maybe it relates to Kraft ‘Singles’, the individually pre-packaged cheese slices. And they’ve made them for Vegans!

Nope, that’s worse. I’ve seen some attractive Vegans – there might be some credence to the thinking that Veganism is better for you. Let’s call it 50/50 at the moment – 50% hot Vegans and 50% stereotypical hippy Vegans. But compared to Arts students at universities, we’re looking at a similar split. But I have yet to see Vegan cheese that I would ever want to try.

Okay, but this isn’t a post about Veganism. It’s a post how I don’t think I’d be able to date a Vegan.

First off, trying to decide what to eat can sometimes be difficult enough as it is without a bunch of rules regulating places or things you can’t eat. That’s why I leave work lunches to others to decide – I eat everything, so let those who are picky eaters decide for us.

Secondly, I don’t read the back of food labels at the moment. Sure, I love to read, but I’m more interested in reading about the foods I want to eat rather than trying to find things I can’t eat. I once had a friend who was Vegan, and when we went to the movies we couldn’t have Salt and Vinegar chips because apparently something in there was from an animal. None of the ingredients that are supposed to be in that packaging (ie potatoes for the chips, salt and vinegar for the flavouring) are animal products, so why are we adding animals products to it?

Thirdly, they might be cool with it at the start, but eventually it’s going to wear on their nerves when they finally realise the amount of animal products I eat. Bloody hell, I just remembered eggs. How versatile are they as an ingredient? I would actually have to look into an alternate for making biscuits, French Toast, scones, cakes, pikelets, pancakes, and muffins. And no more scrambled or poached eggs. Happy birthday, love! Here’s a flat Vegan cake. It’s flat because it’s sad. Look, I would be okay with spending a little bit more for free range eggs, but I’m not sure I could cut eggs out of my diet altogether.

Fourthly, I love video games, and I doubt I could date someone who thought video games were stupid or bad. Imagine dating someone who honestly believed that video games caused kids to become more violent. I mean, yes, all of the Vegans views about livestock raising causing a lot more pollution than plant alternatives may technically be correct, but I would still play Overwatch if it meant becoming a crazy rage monster. Plus, I don’t have a lot of time to play as it is, so I won’t be the first one jumping off the rage deep end.

Although, are vegans known to be more monogamous and loyal?

If so, forget everything I just said. I’m in.

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